I think it's normal for our writing to change a little over time. I mean we all change and grow mentally and emotionally. This piece wasn't written any worse to me but did seem to strike a more negative tone than some of your other work I've read if that makes sense. Or maybe I've just been feeling a little more negative on my end.
I just don’t understand the necessity to be mean (your 7/11 new guy) I am like…”who hurt you?” “Why are you so broken that you feel the need to break others?” They are live science projects, rats 🐀 in a maze. I don’t understand them and I kind of pity them but then I think maybe they really are assholes so maybe I should just let them shine ✨. It’s surely not you girl it is him.
Perhaps your just judging your own work more harshly over time. I see some shifts in tone and perspective but I still enjoy your stuff like I always have.
Just wanted to let you know that I very much enjoyed reading that piece. In my opinion, it is exactly those firsthand experiences born out of our everyday life struggles of being not a part of the cis-heteronormative society that shine a spotlight onto how reality looks like.
Or you could look him squarely in the eyes each time you interact with him, smile, and be nothing but unashamedly polite. Maybe even search him out to help you find something- always with direct eye contact and exceedingly courteous words. Don't stoop to his level for even a second. Wear him down. Make him scream, "Stop it!!!! I give up!"
Sometimes kindness is the best way to be passive-agressive ha!
I kind of like this approach within reason. I always try, even if I don't always succeed, to take the high road. It's all kind of interesting to me because I'll get in my car and drive 40 minutes then ask for the one specific waitress who genders me properly over going anywhere local where no one does. Besides the pizza is better there, or at least I tell myself that.
I can truly resonate with this lol my store “friends” I consider very loyal lol and I will avoid a store if the staff isn’t vibing with my vibe.. it definitely makes since!!
That sucks Sam, and FWIW I just don’t get the whole ‘forced misgendering’ game these fucking assholes seem to just love. Sadly, I don’t have any advice or grand strategy for you, just what I hope is some encouragement. I’m a happily married man (cis) who has walked on the ‘wild side’ for much of my youth and I just want to say I think you are BEAUTIFUL, and that you are obviously a woman! I’ve had friends that were trans or gay most of my life, I suspect some folks don’t get how many gay or trans folk they know, we just don’t care that much about the world around us, especially FTM trans! 🤣 (I love thinking about those ‘real men’ who don’t know anything about the guy next to them at the gym)
The thing is, folks think they know stuff they don’t have a friggin clue about. I had a friend who was MtF, early times, mostly just vesting at this point but wore her skirts and heels every day ON THE CITY BUS to get around. THAT is courage and integrity that people like your 711 clerk will never know and that is what I salute in you and in all my brothers and sisters today! Rock the fuck on!
That would just make me sad. And also angry. I'm sorry your community has just "disappeared" like this and that the new night guy is a d$ckhead...as we might say in Oz. Could you complain to the owner...or would it make it worse. Maybe the new guy will leave soon for other places.
Just thought: maybe you can complain that the new guy's grasp of English isn't very nuanced and he's offending customers? Anyway, sucks when our comfort zone and sense of belonging is spirited away.
I like the idea of ongoing malicious compliance. With small change. Or a really big bill (50 or 100) for a small purchase.
BE BRAVE. Because you already are.
So pick on small details…. The floor is wet with snow or sticky with spilled slurpees. The hot dogs are overcooked. There aren’t enough fresh donuts. COMPLAIN.
Ask for the corporate phone number for customer service.
Or leave him a copy of ‘Erotic stories for Punjabi widows’ by Bali Kaur Jaswal. Because this guy is guaranteed to have more issues than just with you.
I’m so sorry to hear about what you have recently experienced.
I am also very sorry for the loss of the old owners and staff at your 7/11 store and the sense of community that arose from the respect and acknowledgment that you experienced from them. The loss of this affirmation, respect and validation is basic and something we all deserve. It is those small, incidental daily contacts and interactions that can so profoundly impact on us, lift and make or break our everyday.
I do so appreciate you sharing your experience. There seems to be an element of disrespect that appears to come from highest level in the USA that seems to have trickles down to the righteous and ignorant black and white attitudes of some individuals.
Take care, thanks for your insights and courage to be real.
Ps just saw the other comment to this effect above. I am a fan of the woman at the local gov (Montana??) Who insisted on calling the chair ma'am when he refused to hear "anything about gender". I'm a cis woman with high English morals and will stoop to this which I sometimes have internal conflict about (why perpetuate misgendering and meanness) but also hope to use my privilege here to make a point. (Shrug)
Bummer that a “corporation“ took over as its obvious they don’t value people over dollars… shameful that they find ways to employ people that don’t have desire/ability/knowledge to accept people like us who are different than what they themselves, have been bred to accept… disappointing and yet we here think we are above other countries and their peoples just because… you’re a voice we need in this world Sam for so many reasons right now… I can’t wait to grow up and emulate in some small ways what you are and espouse for the world to see is right and normal… 🫶🏼 always your friend in distance but closer in spirit… ✊🏼🖖
Start paying in small change. Take up time counting it out, then place it on the counter so he has to pick it up and count it out again. If he refuses or causes a scene it will be on camera and over change. It’s clear he’s going to be a dick to you and that attitude is unlikely to change. I know you’re looking for positive interaction, but you’re a local customer and it’d his job to serve you. He’s playing power games. Play them back.
Never be embarrassed by standing up for yourself. I think you handled that quite well.
Personally, I’d start calling him ma’am casually. If he says anything, just stare blankly like you have no idea what he’s mad about. Remain calm and with a smile on your face.
I’m so sorry your comfort place has been corrupted. That’s the worst. Hopefully the energy there will shift back.
I think it's normal for our writing to change a little over time. I mean we all change and grow mentally and emotionally. This piece wasn't written any worse to me but did seem to strike a more negative tone than some of your other work I've read if that makes sense. Or maybe I've just been feeling a little more negative on my end.
Hugs
Don't ever be embarrassed about standing up for yourself, I'm not. Especially when it's standing up for all of us.
This 👆
💕💕💕
You don't know me, but you write well.
Sucks dude at 7-11 was so rude and hope he turns over soon.
Thank you ☺️
Anytime. ☺️
I just don’t understand the necessity to be mean (your 7/11 new guy) I am like…”who hurt you?” “Why are you so broken that you feel the need to break others?” They are live science projects, rats 🐀 in a maze. I don’t understand them and I kind of pity them but then I think maybe they really are assholes so maybe I should just let them shine ✨. It’s surely not you girl it is him.
Interesting read as always. . . ma'am.
You know, as someone whose been with me pretty much my entire time on Substack, I can honestly say I think I’m getting worse at this over time 🤦🏻♀️
Perhaps your just judging your own work more harshly over time. I see some shifts in tone and perspective but I still enjoy your stuff like I always have.
Thank you Antoinette.
I feel it too and I’m not sure I like it.
Work in progress 🤷🏻♀️
I’d love to hear more about your thoughts on the tone shift ☺️
Love you!!
Just wanted to let you know that I very much enjoyed reading that piece. In my opinion, it is exactly those firsthand experiences born out of our everyday life struggles of being not a part of the cis-heteronormative society that shine a spotlight onto how reality looks like.
Or you could look him squarely in the eyes each time you interact with him, smile, and be nothing but unashamedly polite. Maybe even search him out to help you find something- always with direct eye contact and exceedingly courteous words. Don't stoop to his level for even a second. Wear him down. Make him scream, "Stop it!!!! I give up!"
Sometimes kindness is the best way to be passive-agressive ha!
I kind of like this approach within reason. I always try, even if I don't always succeed, to take the high road. It's all kind of interesting to me because I'll get in my car and drive 40 minutes then ask for the one specific waitress who genders me properly over going anywhere local where no one does. Besides the pizza is better there, or at least I tell myself that.
Yeah, I don't succeed as much as I wish I would either
I can truly resonate with this lol my store “friends” I consider very loyal lol and I will avoid a store if the staff isn’t vibing with my vibe.. it definitely makes since!!
That sucks Sam, and FWIW I just don’t get the whole ‘forced misgendering’ game these fucking assholes seem to just love. Sadly, I don’t have any advice or grand strategy for you, just what I hope is some encouragement. I’m a happily married man (cis) who has walked on the ‘wild side’ for much of my youth and I just want to say I think you are BEAUTIFUL, and that you are obviously a woman! I’ve had friends that were trans or gay most of my life, I suspect some folks don’t get how many gay or trans folk they know, we just don’t care that much about the world around us, especially FTM trans! 🤣 (I love thinking about those ‘real men’ who don’t know anything about the guy next to them at the gym)
The thing is, folks think they know stuff they don’t have a friggin clue about. I had a friend who was MtF, early times, mostly just vesting at this point but wore her skirts and heels every day ON THE CITY BUS to get around. THAT is courage and integrity that people like your 711 clerk will never know and that is what I salute in you and in all my brothers and sisters today! Rock the fuck on!
That would just make me sad. And also angry. I'm sorry your community has just "disappeared" like this and that the new night guy is a d$ckhead...as we might say in Oz. Could you complain to the owner...or would it make it worse. Maybe the new guy will leave soon for other places.
Just thought: maybe you can complain that the new guy's grasp of English isn't very nuanced and he's offending customers? Anyway, sucks when our comfort zone and sense of belonging is spirited away.
I like the idea of ongoing malicious compliance. With small change. Or a really big bill (50 or 100) for a small purchase.
BE BRAVE. Because you already are.
So pick on small details…. The floor is wet with snow or sticky with spilled slurpees. The hot dogs are overcooked. There aren’t enough fresh donuts. COMPLAIN.
Ask for the corporate phone number for customer service.
Or leave him a copy of ‘Erotic stories for Punjabi widows’ by Bali Kaur Jaswal. Because this guy is guaranteed to have more issues than just with you.
Dear Samantha,
I’m so sorry to hear about what you have recently experienced.
I am also very sorry for the loss of the old owners and staff at your 7/11 store and the sense of community that arose from the respect and acknowledgment that you experienced from them. The loss of this affirmation, respect and validation is basic and something we all deserve. It is those small, incidental daily contacts and interactions that can so profoundly impact on us, lift and make or break our everyday.
I do so appreciate you sharing your experience. There seems to be an element of disrespect that appears to come from highest level in the USA that seems to have trickles down to the righteous and ignorant black and white attitudes of some individuals.
Take care, thanks for your insights and courage to be real.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate them and you ❤️
Are you above being polite and saying thank you ma'am! ?
Ps just saw the other comment to this effect above. I am a fan of the woman at the local gov (Montana??) Who insisted on calling the chair ma'am when he refused to hear "anything about gender". I'm a cis woman with high English morals and will stoop to this which I sometimes have internal conflict about (why perpetuate misgendering and meanness) but also hope to use my privilege here to make a point. (Shrug)
Bummer that a “corporation“ took over as its obvious they don’t value people over dollars… shameful that they find ways to employ people that don’t have desire/ability/knowledge to accept people like us who are different than what they themselves, have been bred to accept… disappointing and yet we here think we are above other countries and their peoples just because… you’re a voice we need in this world Sam for so many reasons right now… I can’t wait to grow up and emulate in some small ways what you are and espouse for the world to see is right and normal… 🫶🏼 always your friend in distance but closer in spirit… ✊🏼🖖
❤️
Start paying in small change. Take up time counting it out, then place it on the counter so he has to pick it up and count it out again. If he refuses or causes a scene it will be on camera and over change. It’s clear he’s going to be a dick to you and that attitude is unlikely to change. I know you’re looking for positive interaction, but you’re a local customer and it’d his job to serve you. He’s playing power games. Play them back.
I like this, but I’m not that brave 😂
I understand! I don’t know if I’d actually be brave enough to do it either. It’s just an idea that came to mind. Sorry the vibe changed there. 🥲
Never!! Love you Luca 💕
Never be embarrassed by standing up for yourself. I think you handled that quite well.
Personally, I’d start calling him ma’am casually. If he says anything, just stare blankly like you have no idea what he’s mad about. Remain calm and with a smile on your face.
I’m so sorry your comfort place has been corrupted. That’s the worst. Hopefully the energy there will shift back.