7-Eleven?

I’m at a loss with my relationship with 7-Eleven.

A little background. I have a rule. I acquired it from a relationship that had a profound impact on me on multiple levels. It also has a possible future reckoning — we still live in the same town.

Fate will find us together “someday.” All I know is that when it happens, it won’t match any of my imagined “scripts” or “scenarios.”

My one rule (to bind them all!! 💕)

I need to leave my house at least once per day and interact with someone. I have to. I’m an extrovert 🤷🏻‍♀️

What that looks like for me can be almost anything. Run to Walgreens? Sure ☺️

Pick up a package? Count it 😉

Go to the park with lots of dog walkers? Son of a bitch, I’m in 👍

Go to 7-Eleven? Nailed it!!

And it’s like a block away. I can walk 🤷🏻‍♀️

If I don’t go out? I pout. Seriously, it’s not pretty. Since I currently live alone, that pout “looks” a lot like depression. So, I go out ☺️

Over the years, I’ve come to know and appreciate several baristas, fast food cashiers, and convenience store clerks. I’ve built an amazing algorithm of people and locations “brick by brick.”

But 7-Eleven is my home base. Its staff and management are “my” store. Near daily interactions create friendships as well as “commercialism’s.”

It was through these daily conversations and interactions, we’ve built our neighborhood of “us,” lived in daily bits of quick gossip, moods, and “how are you’s.”

Here’s a story. I got to know two employees over the course of a few months who rarely worked together. I found him to be an absolute delight with an enormous heart. I found her to be as sharp as a tack and funny as hell.

Last month, when they were finally working together, she showed me her engagement ring. I’d never put it together that they were dating (even when they would talk about each other separately 🤦🏻‍♀️)

I glowed for days after learning. Kinda renewed my faith in love, actually. Two more perfect people for each other I can’t imagine 💕

Another thing I liked about “my” store is that it was a “training store.” What I understood that to mean is that one employee on the day shift was always a “new hire” who would learn and train in “my” store and then be transferred out where needed?  (Please take all of that with an enormous grain of salt).

Functionally, for me, it meant that the day staff would always have at least one new person like every few weeks, for like a few weeks. Most important, it was always their job to run the register. Fresh meat🤣

Through that, I’ve been able to meet new people rather consistently in a safe environment. Through those interactions, I’ve been “Sir’d” to “Girl’d,” I’ve seen looks of confusion and outright mockery turn into genuine acceptance.

I have practiced “ice breakers” and “hello’s” and games to help me break through, find a connection. Not all of them work, but I do have more than a year’s worth of “data” 🤣

I love my grocery store neighborhood as well, but 7-Eleven has all the action. And, it’s like a block away ☺️

Okay, back to present-ish.

At about the same time that I learned of the engagement, I also learned the store had been sold. Worse, all of the staff and management were being let go. We had two fucking weeks to say goodbye. To ask, “what will you do?” To cry. And then poof, it was gone.

The store is still there. But all of its employees are new. “Corporate-like.” And, they aren’t from “my algorithm.”

Over the past two weeks, I’ve met both the day register person and the night register person.

The day person was present for the exchange I described recently in a Note of mine about a young trans person I encountered and their headphones. Honestly, I think it touched him as much as it did me ☺️

We’ve now slipped easily into a conversational tone. We talk and share as much as we “exchange.”

But the night guy. Ooof.

He’s young. He runs the gamut from loud, “Can I help you, Sir?” and “Have a nice night, Sir!!” to more passive aggressive “Sir’s” depending upon his read of the other customers in the store. Regardless, the “pronouns” are always present, stressed, and masculine.

I’m at a loss. This has been my community for years, and now it’s suddenly “hostile.” None of my ice breakers have broken. None of my games played. Cold. Rude. Lonely.

There are layers here, intersections I can’t navigate: corporate, generational, cultural (he’s from India)…I’m at a complete loss.

A few nights ago when he said, “Can I help you, Sir?,” I lashed out.

I asked, “I’m sorry, what?” as I walked toward him at the register? It was his smirk and slight blush as he repeated himself while repeating the “sir” part slightly softer than before that really threw me. From it, I realized that to him I was just a joke in the grand tapestry of his work day.

I am aware of “sonder.” It’s the “realization that every random passerby has a life as complex, vivid, and detailed as your own, filled with their own ambitions, worries, friends, and personal dramas, making you just a background extra in their story, just as they are in yours.” (Dr. Google).

I may feel the main character (a lot, too much actually 🤦🏻‍♀️) but I know I’m not. I also know not everyone has time for “me” within their tapestries.

Despite knowing all the above, I placed my Arizona tea and creamer on the counter, looked him in the eye and said, “I’ve been coming here for years. You’ve been here like two weeks? I’ve never met anyone so rude!” I then paused for effect and said, “Can I help you. Full.Stop.” I then turned, and in the best “huff” I could muster, walked out 🤦🏻‍♀️

I am not proud of it. It was embarrassing as fuck. Not demure. Not how I see high fem. I made a scene.

I spent the next two days avoiding 7-Eleven on my “daily rule trips.” There is another convenience store just down the road a few blocks. I’ve been there a few times in the past. The night guy is actually pretty cool. Plus, it has a better selection of “Oh shit, I forgot” items.

But, I’d have to drive. I mean, I could walk it. But it’s like four blocks on a busy street. A street where if a girl’s jogging along it, there was a choice made as to why.

This 7-Eleven store is my community. I’ve “earned” it. I’m invested. I can’t lose it. Even if I do lose it over my pride and stupidity. I don’t want to. My emotions are high here.

So, I went in on New Year’s Day. He was there. First, he ignored me as I stood at the counter while he was occupied with something else [fair] but then another customer came in. When he did acknowledge me he said, “Can I help you?”

We made our “exchange.” As I grabbed my tea and creamer, I caught his eye and said, “Thank you. I hope you have a happy New Year.”

He responded with, “You too, Sir.”

• There is one exception to my “go out rule.” If there is a mass shooting in the US, I give myself a three-day shut-in “grace period” for safety.

I lose Subscribers with every Article I publish 🤷🏻‍♀️

I never claimed to be a writer. My bio used to say I write-ish. Probably still should.

To those of you who accept my -ishyness and still read me, an enormous thank you 🥰

For those who feel I’m not for them, may you find your Yums ☺️

Thank you all for reading 💕

Sam

💕